What Is Your Childhood Story Trying to Teach You?
Roots and Truth
Have you ever thought about examining a story from your past, to find deeper-hidden messaging?
In this blog post I suggest that there are messages to us, intertwined our childhood that come randomly if we’re in search of them. This specific practice of remembering, and then writing past stories down, has been part of my healing process the last decade. I offer one of my stories here and then try to name a few themes that are recognized after I recount the story. I would love your input from you, as the reader, to let me know what you notice as you read this story.
When I was ten years old
in the mid-90’s, I stood in my kitchen near the half wall that looked out into our front room. We had a modest home, a large kitchen with a small dining space that joined with the front room through a door sized opening. There were eight of us that shared this space. Baby girl number six had just joined our family.
I looked into the front room where the small 50 inch tv screen from the 1980’s nested in the cupboard. That TV stood as a portal to the outside world in so many ways. On this day, I had heard a guest on the Oprah Winfrey share a story that touched me at an emotional level. A story that had been cracked wide open, was vulnerable, and the guest had the humility to share it in a way that it connected at a deeper level.
This was thirty years ago. I don’t remember the story. I know there were children involved in the story, but the specifics of the story slipped my memory shortly after. This specific day, I could feel the impact that emotion carries that can indeed unite us humans. These feelings led me to feel the interconnected power that is held by a spiritual hand. This last concept felt clear to me.
I was standing at the counter, cutting tomatoes for dinner, as my Dad walked in the kitchen that evening. I looked at him. He stopped by the sink to feel a glass with water.
I read the room. Had he had time to decompress from his nine hour day and his physically demanding job? Was he available? Was it quiet enough in the room to speak? Face-time was limited with so many young children around.
As I subconsciously scanned, I thought —Yes, I’ll take a chance at sharing.
The words started coming in an excited stream– “Dad, can I tell you about the story that I heard on Oprah today?”
He looked at me and sternly replied, “You shouldn’t be watching that filth.”
And that was that. The energy was sucked out of the room, and the moment that I had offered as a connection with my own Dad was gone, over and lost.
That was the end of my memory.
Internal Inquiry
If you were in the room with me and we read this story together what insights would you have after you imagined this scene?
I’m curious what themes you would have pulled out?
What feelings are you feeling as an emotion?
Is it felt in the heart…possibly the gut? Do you feel nothing? (This is fine too!)
A Few of the Themes
The first time that I mentioned this story in a therapeutic setting I was sitting with a coach trained in Narrative Trained Trauma Care. This coach sat with me and listened. As I was done speaking she said, “Cami, ten year olds should not be making dinner”.
This thought was interesting. This was a part of my upbringing. I was the second of six children, and I started cooking early on to help out.
My heart aches for the little me that was trying, vulnerably, to connect with my Dad. If I look at his side of the story, I truly think that he thought day time TV was garbage. Maybe, maybe not. I haven’t asked him about his side of the story.
No matter what he was thinking. There was something lost.
Connection.
Five minutes to let me express what I was learning or felt deeply about.
Invitation for Healing
As I have shared many stories like these with my coach and my current therapist it has been clear to me how much healing can be had as emotion inside of these stories is given a name.
If I could label some of the emotion after returning to this story I would say, “I feel numb. I feel bewildered. I feel lame, or less than capable of connecting. I feel alone. I feel sad for this man who was working and may have felt resentful.”
I would say one more thing to my childhood body while connecting with her through an emotional vein. I would say, “I love you, and I hear that you would like to express yourself with those who know how connected us as human beings are–if we tap into this connective energy.”
Connection is something that I am trying to allow into my current story.
A couple of weeks ago I shared bits of my story on a podcast hosted by Elisha Arowojobe. Unlike the TV that I had in the mid-90’s I now have the internet to inter-connect me to people around the world. Elisha is in Africa.
The podcast episode can be listened to here.
Through this episode I talk about how our early childhood stories affect our behaviors and responses later in life. Grief is a part of the healing process so we can clearly learn to see that my dad stopping the connection that we could have shared doesn’t have to continue to limit me through my life.
If you are on a healing journey and would like to connect deeper to your personal story, I would encourage you to do so.
From my experience it is a way to honor and love self.
And forewarning–it does cause deep feelings to come to surface. In my story, the recognition of connection that was lost has invited grief.
Grief feels dark and deep. It feels like you are in a dark pit and will never get out. All this is true. But after the bottom of that pit is reached, I have personally felt the sadness clear. Some of the isolation related to the feelings that I felt in childhood have been released. I am not consumed with that sadness anymore. The memories are then replaced with beautiful-merciful clarity.
For me, there is a lot of love and new clarity that comes as I review personal stories through this modality of healing work.
Earlier I mentioned that I believe that we are all spiritually interconnected. I describe my spiritual healing journey more on this blog post:
If this story brought one of your stories to memory, I invite you to share it with me. This work is for those who are brave. Feel free to reach me by email at
cami@rootsandtruth.com
Until we meet, love
Resources
Link to Narrative Trained Trauma Care
For additional Reading:
Repairing with Your Child: What Does Repair Look Like?
Welcome,
I’m Cami
After a decade of my own investigative-healing journey I have discovered how so much of my “health mystery” has been uncovered through reviewing my own story. I started writing my story here after the birth of my third baby in 2021.
On this blog I share resources and point you, as the reader, to the right resource, or the specialist that you have been looking for!
I now offer one on one coaching to someone who is feeling stuck in their own healing journey. You can access the link to take a survey and work with me here:
