The Uncanniness of Spiritual Abuse

Spirituality encapsulate a few core themes.

The first being connection.

Connection with a higher power, to a purpose, to other people, to nature.

This connection to that power, or nature, or one another is then “grounded in love and compassion“. ¹

The second theme of spirituality being presented, is Love.

Understanding how to access a state of “Presence” or pure consciousness

is an aspect of spirituality. ² Living consciously is being present in the body.

uncanny: The uncanny is the psychological experience of an event or thing that is unsettling in a way that feels oddly familiar, rather than simply mysterious. ³

Equivocate physical or emotional harm to spiritual harm.

Spiritual abuse can be described as a “lasting impact of experiences in religious or spiritual contexts that can lead to feelings of betrayal, shame, and disconnection from one’s authentic self.” ⁴

Spiritual abuse occurs within a structure or system, where an individual is exposed to, or experiences physical or emotional harm. This could have been inside a religious facility, during an organized activity, or even in conversations where the individual’s point of view was overlooked, or punished while questioning authority. ⁵

Individuals that are taught fear and shame, in the context of holding them accountable to the group’s rules or mandates, may be living with after effects of spiritual abuse. Children are susceptible to spiritual abuse. This can occurs when they are put in a position to participate in non-age appropriate acts. Side effects from these events create distancing from how they feel connected in their body. Later in life this distancing from the body may show up as: shaking in the body, chronic health conditions, feelings of hopelessness or unworthiness. ⁶

What is happening in your body?

Allender center work. Narrative Focused Trauma Care®

Emotions that come up in the body

• uppressed emotions and emotional numbing (substance abuse, self-harm behaviors, avoiding situations that bring about intense emotions, dissociation)
• Internalized shame and self-hate (“I’m not good enough.” “I’m unworthy.” “I’m a bad person.” “No one is ever going to love me.”)
• Fear of trusting one’s inner voice or body signals

Self-care is often labeled as selfish, creating disconnection from one’s own needs, boundaries, and intuition.

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4. Isolation

Spiritual abuse often thrives in isolation. Members may be cut off from:

• Outside professionals (like therapists, doctors, or lawyers)
• Mainstream media or news
• Friends or family not involved in the group

In some cases, this is literal—communes, neighborhood “buyouts,” or closed compounds. But more often, it’s psychological isolation. Members are told the outside world is evil, untrustworthy, or dangerous.

This fear can make it incredibly difficult to leave—even when the group is harming them. Many people describe feeling intensely alone, scared, or “different” from the rest of the world. ⁷

experience and adds shame to their pain. Milhoan, Shelby LCPC: https://growwithshelby.com/signs-of-spiritual-abuse-part-ii/))

Healing Balm

Surrender

Telling the truth, around what you believe happened. But sharing these truths with someone outside of the system where the harm occurred.

“…survivors owe it to themselves to identify the specifics of their spiritual abuse so that they can free themselves from destructive beliefs and fears about God.

Grieving is usually necessary in working through spiritual obstacles to recovery. The ventilation of angry feelings about the sespoilment of healthy self-interest helps us disidentify from destructive spiritual beliefs.” ⁸

Spirituality is

1. Connection
2. Love
3. Being Present in the here and now

Healing is not ostersizing yourself for an unlimited amount of time. Spirituality and connectedness are a crucial part of a healthy life-style and way of living.

What this post is inviting you to, is to begin to name when you feel uneasy.

Resources

Youtube Video: Reorienting Yourself After Spiritual Abuse

Story Work Coach Directory: Narrative Focused Trauma Care®

Book Recommendation: Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

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1. Brown, Berne, The Gifts of Imperfection, Hazelden, (2010) [↩]
2. Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, New World Library 1999[↩]
3. Royle, Nicholas, The Uncanny: An Introduction,  Routledge 2003[↩]
4. McBride, H. (2025). Holy Hurt: A Theological and Psychological Exploration of Spiritual Trauma[↩]
5. This form of abuse often shows up in spiritual bypassing—a way of using religious language to dismiss or avoid emotional truth…

   …statements [that] may sound comforting on the surface…can also be used to shut down valid emotions or deny harm. When someone is told they’re “straying” for questioning doctrine or “not faithful enough” if prayers go unanswered, it invalidates their experience and adds shame to their pain. Milhoan, Shelby LCPC: https://growwithshelby.com/signs-of-spiritual-abuse-part-ii/[↩]

6. https://www.norumpsychservices.com/resources/what-is-religious-and-spiritual-trauma#:~:text=Understanding%20Spiritual%20Trauma&text=Dr.,disconnection%20from%20one’s%20authentic%20self.[↩]
7. Milhoan, Shelby LCPC: https://growwithshelby.com/signs-of-spiritual-abuse-part-i/#:~:text=Suppressed%20emotions%20and%20emotional%20numbing,but%20healing%20is%20absolutely%20possible.[↩]
8. Walker, Pete, The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness Out of Blame, Azure Coyote 1995, 2nd edition 2015, pg200[↩]