What does dressing modestly even mean?

The question: “Is it modest?” I heard over and over again as I was being raised.

Now let me clear. I am not a biblical expert. And although I am not an expert on this subject, I am a student of spirituality. I have been for over 10 years. I’ve also been a student regarding religion since I was 14.

But even more accreditation that I have writing the posts on this subject, is that I am a human and a woman biologically. I have thoughts and feelings. And as I write, I try to rely more how my body is feeling. I trust the goosebumps and chills and pay attention when I feel around the messages relayed by my body.

I also trust the tension. The glands sweating. The heart pounding. The shoulders rounding when I am in pain. These are the feelings that I am speaking about.
So with logic, I was taught to dress modestly. And with logic it was explained why that was the right thing to do. But within feeling, I believe that I should dress how ever feels good in my body, and dress in a way that my body feels more at home.

I was raised in religion where the Bible was used, so I decided to explore what the definition of modestly was. It actually encompasses messages not only for women, but for men too.

The definition is more closely described as respectful, not too flashy, moderate and orderly.
I share more specifics later in this article.

I have written other posts describing my experience of what I perceived during my upbringing. Perception is very different then from what was taught. Perception is picked up in the subtleties: ie: body language, passive aggressive remarks, or being a witness to gossip.

This blog post, that you are reading, is written as an addition to another post titled:

3 Questions I Have Regarding My Body where I ask the question:

“What does ‘dressing modestly’ even mean?”

And below is the story that I wrote which sparked all of the posts I’ve written behind modesty.

I believe that understanding the story that our bodies are relaying is a more advanced healing technique. So come along on this ride with me, as I explore the truth around what dressing modestly, in biblical context really means.

The Definition

Here is one example of where the word “modest” is in the bible:

This is from Paul’s writing in the New Testament. This verse contained the word kosmios which more accurately translates to be respectable, honorable. ²

Recently I was introduced to a different translation of the bible, which I included in the footnotes. ³ In this translation they use the word moderate and reverence.

1 Timothy 2:9 is specifically speaking to women, eluding that these are the ways to best worship God.

The writing encourages humility as an outward expression. But in no way does it define a specific cut or line that should be worn. These lines made are a creation of the modern christian notion of “modesty”.

And the writings of Paul, and the use of this word kosmios is again in the next chapter, but this time speaking to men.

This idea of modesty or moderation is not a gender thing. In 1 Timothy chapter three Paul writes:

Here are a few more behaviors, behind the root word kosmios, used in the verse above: ²

decorous: in keeping with good taste, appropriate

respectable: propper, social acceptable

well-ordered: organized

Continuing to My Story

My intention for writing this post is to bring more understanding of what I have actually felt in my body pertaining to the subject.

To understand the truth around this word has been so helpful to my healing. To lean that this word “modesty”, that has been thrown around in the culture that I grew up in, doesn’t actually mean that you covering shoulders or legs, validates what I have been feeling around the subject.

I believe that this conditioning behind dressing modestly is made up by men so that they can have dominance and control over women’s agency. I also believe that is a sidestepping plea to dismiss how men really feel about the act of sex and the arousal process that accompanies sexuality. Instead of figuring it out. I’m generalizing, but I think there is a real ignorance around the understanding of the glorious process of creativity that sex is. Instead of accepting this, they tell women to please not tempt them by dressing modestly.

Meggie Cotonethal wrote what I am trying to explain more clearly in her article titled:

Modesty Misunderstood

What Men and Women Need to Know

“The idea of modesty has been almost exclusively attached to women’s dress, narrowing in definition to mean “showing less skin and trying to prevent sexual arousal in those looking on.” It has veritably become a subculture in Christendom, spawning a cacophony of bestsellers, brands, seminars, and internet firestorms.”

I highly recommend reading this article, because not only does she call out manipulated teachings, but she encourages all believers of Christ to change the way that we think about covering skin.

The way that the word modesty has been twisted and recreated have had an impact in my life that I will continue to teach about.

I’m curious, do you have a different experience with modesty and how it was taught in your specific religious or family system? I would love to hear your perspective in the comments below.

Through my curiosity I desire more connection, and I desire more freedom for me in my physical body.

Thank you for reading!

1. King James Version of the Bible[↩][↩]
2. Bill Mounce Greek Dictionary Online: https://www.billmounce.com/greek-dictionary/kosmios#:~:text=respectable%2C%20honorable%20%2D%20decorous%2C%20respectable%2C%20well%2Dordered%2C%201%20Tim.%202:9;%203:2*[↩][↩]
3. ⁸ I desire, then, that in every place the men should pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or argument, ⁹ also that the women should dress themselves in moderate clothing with reverence and self-control, not with their hair braided or with gold, pearls, or expensive clothes, ¹⁰ but with good works, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God. (Source: New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Timothy%202&version=NRSVUE[↩]