Healing From My Birth Trauma Experience

There are multiple posts I have written leading up to this blog post.

There’s a curated list following this introduction.

It is important as I write, that you understand my intention behind writing this post. Primarily, my intention is to heal the polarity that is happening as a result of disconnect and sadness (and the feelings of being excused from the attunement that I so often need). As I have felt unheard or often unseen it confirms to me that this is a pattern I would like to see discontinued.

Through writing I believe I can ease MY story. It gives me a key of TRUTH as I see the words on the page in front of me.

The more I heal, the more I can see the TRUTH in sharing. Connecting is one of the most valuable things we can do with our human body and felt emotion. That is why disconnection has been contrasting difficult. I was a victim of human disconnect during my first child birthing experience. After that experience, I wanted to place blame. There were events that happened at Scott’s birth that I still wish I could undo.

That leads me to a simple equation that doesn’t feel so simple inside of my human body, with all it’s felt emotions.

With the contrary feeling of disconnection, feeling like a closed circuit. Nothing feels like it is flowing right, and it is so frustrating and tiring to figure out why.

The following story is filled with fantasy and reality and how I learned to feel through the issue in hopes that my relationship with my son, could again flow with ease. But first, you may have some reading to do before (or after) reading this post.

Previous posts that relate to this article:

• Happy 1st Birthday Mae + My Notes on My Birth Trauma Story a Decade Later
• More About Me and the Process of Cleaving
• Postpartum + Chronic Illness Symptoms, the Double Whammy
• The Beginning of My Health Journey

Feeling The Effects of a Traumatic Birth

I never remember feeling angry about Scott’s birth until I had completed the birthing process with my second child three years later. Now I had an experience to compare to.

You don’t know what you don’t know, until you have more knowledge. I know, deep:)!! But I now knew what it felt like to complete the full birthing process. During Weston’s birth I was flexible, but I was able to advocate for myself and I received a sense that I was heard and seen.

With the contrast, I felt like I was struggling from my first birthing experience as a victim. The physical effects were present, but the emotion of the reverberations of violation hit later.

Four years later I was putting labels to feelings. I began to question, why. Why did it happen, and why does it still feel like the experience won’t end?

Weston’s birth was complete and full of something familiar. Like an open space surrounded with trees, where you know that you only have clean oxygen to breath—full of life! I could feel the excitement from my team! They could feel the presence of creative power and love for this being we were bringing to life. Inviting him into this immersive-unstable world.

But…my postpartum experience did not feel the same. I felt disconnected, ashamed, and I was quickly loosing weight. Intellectually I knew how to care for a baby. But I didn’t even know how to care for my dying body. I wrote more about both of these experiences in this post: The Beginning of My Health Journey.

In 2015, I started my own healing journey and started to clean out the Epstein Barr Virus that had invaded my body. As I was becoming more aware, I started to recognize foreign feelings.

I had been victimized. Any life that was returning back into my body was angry and aggressive. Internally I could feel its effects on my body. It was activating UGLY and I knew exactly what it was saying.

“That stupid lady. She never questioned me. She never gave me chance. I was able to move and she did the old-fashioned, robotic-systematic action of throwing my legs in stirrups after I was dilated to a ten.” I was so angry that nobody had helped me birth my first baby in a relaxed-natural way.

After an hour of pushing and with the aid of the hero doctor cutting me open, Scott was born. I’m so glad because then we could be a check completed on the system’s checklist on delivery room floor. Then moved to a new room for recovery, so I could then have a check mark to be sent home. It was systematic and inhumane. (This was the fuel of my angry and the words that are the flame in my body!)

It felt like I was on an assembly floor in a factory. Such a weird analogy for a human, a real mother that had spent hours preparing and reading and praying that she would be able to have an unmedicated birth. (Which is was.)

After my body had progressed and I was ready for Scott to be received, the doctor routinely put my legs in stirrups so I could push.

During my second pregnancy I had switched clinics to join a team of midwifes, who’s office is in the hospital, to assist me with my prenatal care and delivery. The first pamphlet I had received from the midwife’s group was a pamphlet that had a statistic on it stating that 92% of delivering mothers placed in the lithotomy position ended up with an episiotomy.¹

The Irony! So interesting that this was the first piece of literature I received from them.

Receiving Life

I am an advocate for natural birth. I’m an observer of the wonderful cycle that is a part of each life. I am aware that everyone’s lived experience is unpredictable, but the resiliency of being placed as human beings that make it to a healthy adulthood is quite remarkable!

We are adaptive. We are a product of our environment because we all learn in some way to adapt to our circumstances.

Not Being Able to Find My Voice

So what is the big deal? Everything I had learned from external environment is that I should be happy! I don’t forget to be grateful as well! And I know that my son at surface level was healthy. So, I should be pleased to finally fulfill a life-long training and stereotype of becoming a mother, and be whisked away in pure cultural bliss.

I tried this…for a couple of years. All of this, but I couldn’t fake how I feel.

I really am good at faking it! I like to try on behaviors on like a new dress suit, but they are not the authentic me.

Now, I’m not saying that gratitude doesn’t have spiritual, mental and physical benefit. It does! The physiological effects of gratitude have been measured, and practicing daily gratitude has positively effects on all three (spiritual, mental and physical).

I’m not saying that I didn’t want a child. I did. But chronic fatigue and brain fog that accompanied me postpartum, what not in the plan. Before I had a kid, I loved to exercise. It was always a mental outlet for me. I didn’t know that would be taken away as well, because i could barely walk through my single story house.

What I am saying is capital T trauma happened. And I am able to give it a name, and with that name, I was able to start telling my TRUTH.

Here is the message that the body received during the delivery process of my first son:

(Subliminal messaging from the doc) We are here for you at the time of delivery, but we will do it our way.

I’ve done this a hundred times, this is just the way it goes.

(Subliminal messaging from the Nurse) The quicker that we do our work on the computer, the quicker I can help you with your delivery.

Capital T Trauma is usually described as an incident that happens that the body feels is potentially hazardous, but it is held back and can’t utilize the adrenaline that so wants them to be removed from a situation. An example of a capital T Trauma is being held in by a seat belt or bent metal after a car accident resulting in loss of movement. In the example that I have sourced below, the women Nancy was in surgery and paralyzed from the anesthesia but knew what was happening during surgery. It usually translates as stored suck or frozen energy (in the body) that effects you later in life.

In my case I didn’t hold the authority in the room. I did what I typically do, and my voice froze when it was time to push my baby out. I had never done this before, but I bit my tongue and didn’t trust my instincts, thinking that someone in that room would speak up for me. Advocate in my behalf, but no one did. And I froze.

(This scenario was not new to me. I had done this many times in my life, so it was a function of the default behavior that I knew. It wasn’t till later that I felt the let down, and all the exhaustion kicking me in the gut for not being my own adult, and my own advocate!)

What I wish would have happened during my delivery was to plead for my case and deliver in a different position. Hands and knees position perhaps. A few words of advocacy in my behalf could have changed the outcome of my delivery. It could have taken my eight years of pain away, but it didn’t.

The doctor performed an episiotomy after a half hour of pushing away from natural gravity. My baby was born. I was stitched up and then treated in the most horrific way, with no warning and no communication and remember, no pain meds.

Years Later

I didn’t have any idea at the time what had happened that day. I looked at these pictures in current time, 2022 and realize the fake, I’m supposed to be happy so I’m smiling photo. I can see it in me. There was so much to recover and uncover.

It was in 2012 when I delivered the first time.

It was 2015 in the midst of a postpartum crisis when I started questioning, what was wrong with me? I was “supposed” to be healthy. I was a 27 years old mother of two, but my liver was a mess, I had an under-active thyroid and my body was shrinking.

What was I feeling?

Alone, I was still back in that delivery room suffering with no one to advocate for me. Honestly there wasn’t anyone that I interacted with regularly that had knowledge or education, or had experienced what I was going through with my chronic pain. So the loneliness felt justified.

But this feeling kept pulling me back to the delivery room. It wasn’t until 2020 when I could define why it was traumatic for me.

It was recommended to me multiple times to read, The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. I had picked up the book before, but it is an intense read full of neuroscience research. It is a book loaded with a history of Doctor van der Kolk’s life work, plus sources from colleagues that focus on the physical and mental healing. This book is not a weekend read and I had a hard time committing to it.

To get through the book, I followed my therapist’s suggestion to listen to the audio book.

After I spent time reading his book and then dedicated this year (2022) to the research of trauma, I am able to explain why the trauma response showed up and why I was suffering after a “healthy delivery”.

During my delivery I felt like a stifled instinct. I was in the hospital tub, to relax, when I felt like pushing. I should have followed instinct. But instead I called out for help. The response what, “Quick, hurry, get out of the tub! Get back into bed. We’ll ‘check you'”. It was stress inducing, while I had prepared to be calm. The held me up to get the doctor—again not natural. She kept me in bed and the stirrups, this was the comparable to chaining me. I was stuck there for “delivery” and didn’t know how to get out.

I am number one to blame. I did not speak for myself.

The power struggle, the system, and the routine won. I was unable to complete my natural cycle. I wasn’t able to push the baby out.¹

The completion of a natural stress cycle, taught in polyvagal theory and somatic therapy, ends with shaking (simulating a natural shock response) getting to a safe place, and returning to a regulated state.

In my case, my perception was that the nurses were not reassuring and they did not create a safe place. They kneaded my uterus without receiving my consent. “It’s for your own good so you don’t bleed to death”, was the message that I received.

I was completely naive that they were going to knead my gut before they did so.

There were a few things in that moment that lacked human connection that I choose not to mention because of privacy reasons.

What I needed was comfort and love. Those warming emotional feeling complete the gap so feelings of trauma doesn’t show up as a result from a threatening experience.

The Confession

I felt underlying sadness for years. In a previous post, More About Me and the Process of Cleaving, I wrote about my desire to forgive the doctor and staff. It was in the past and now I was parenting a boy that I felt lacked interest in being with me.

I had been a stay at home mom for the 8 years this kid was alive, but I wasn’t sure how to communicate or connect with him.

I was listening “The Body Keeps the Score” while I was driving home on a Saturday afternoon. I was alone. (Listening to this book was the only way I made it through!!) I was about two thirds the way through the book when I heard a personal account of a women, that Bessel chose to share.

Through the underlying feeling of humility of solitude, mixed with a human ability to connect I started shaking in the car and with tears in my eyes, and I knew what I had to do to connect again. I needed to tell the truth.

That year, in an effort to relieve myself from the pain I was carrying I was working through an adapted AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) treatment program booklet at home.³ It was the year of 2020 and as I was in the process of trying to find a support community, every class quickly got replaced with meetings at home through Zoom. I continued to work on my own with a little support, but not the group setting I had hoped for.

I knew in my heart that connection through communication was vital for my progress. I didn’t want to continue feeling so alone. That was the underlying feeling that I kept carrying from my child birthing experience. It was perpetuated with my chronic illness conditions. I kept feeling backed into a corner with the same glaring problems that I was only feeling pain from.

Human connection. That was a key. I could feel was the energy I was missing. I had been hiding far too long.

I was on step nine of program, not knowing how to make amends to those I was hurting because of my issue. Part of progression is confession. Knowing that you haven’t been in the right head space or physically may have harmed people because of your actions takes great introspection. I was willing to confess, but didn’t know what that felt like, or sounded like, in my situation. After I heard the following story I knew the next step.

(Nancy was a mother, a Director of Nursing, and the author of an email that Doctor Van der Kolk shared in his book.)

Nancy had a surgery to have a laparoscopic tubal ligation to prevent pregnancy. It is a routine surgery but her anesthesia wasn’t strong enough to keep her asleep. She was relaxed enough that she couldn’t talk, but she could feel almost everything happening to her on a physical level. Here are some excerpts of her story. Some of it in her words and some of it written by Doctor Van Der Kolk.

“Gradually Nancy was able to piece together her flashbacks and create an understandable, if horrifying, memory of her surgery. She recalled the reassurances of the OR nurses and a brief period of sleep after the anesthesia was started. Then she remembered how she began to awaken….Nancy…recalls someone “rummaging around” in her belly and identified this as the laparoscopic instrument being placed. She felt her left tube being clamped.

‘Then suddenly there was an intense searing, burning pain. I tried to escape, but the cautery tip pursued me, relentlessly burning through. There simply are no words to describe the terror of this experience. This pain was not in the same realm as other pain I had known and conquered, like a broken bone or childbirth. It begins as extreme pain, then continues relentlessly as it slowly burns through the tube. The pain of being cut with the scalpel pales beside this giant.

”Then, abruptly, the right tube felt the initial impact of the burning tip. When I heard them laugh, I briefly lost track of where I was. I believed I was in a torture chamber, and I could not understand why they were torturing me without even asking for information… My world narrowed to a small sphere around the operating table. There was no sense of time, no past, no future. There was only pain, terror, and horror. I felt isolated from all humanity, profoundly alone in spite of the people surrounding me. The sphere was closing in on me.”

Months after she the surgery she wrote:

“Interestingly, I function very well at work, and I am constantly given positive feedback. Life proceeds with its own sense of falsity.

“There is a strangeness, bizarreness to this dual existence. I tire of it. Yet I cannot give up on life, and I cannot delude myself into believing that if I ignore the beast it will go away. I’ve thought many times that I had recalled all the events around the surgery, only to find a new one.

“There are so many pieces of that 45 minutes of my life that remain unknown. My memories are still incomplete and fragmented, but I no longer think that I need to know everything in order to understand what happened.

“When the fear subsides I realize I can handle it, but a part of me doubts that I can. The pull to the past is strong; it is the dark side of my life; and I must dwell there from time to time. The struggle may also be a way to know that I survive—a re-playing of the fight to survive—which apparently I won, but cannot own.”⁴

It was a cool spring afternoon when I heard this. After I parked in my driveway, I got out of my car, walked around it and entered through the front door of my house. I was visibly shaken. Curtis (my husband) didn’t know what was wrong. I told him that something had happened while I was in the car and I needed to talk to Scott (my first born).

Scott was home. I looked at him and told him something that I really needed him to know. I can’t remember exactly the words that I said, but with my memory of that moment, here is the basic message.

“Scott, I feel really strongly that I need to tell you the truth. It is about your birth and I didn’t know I was supposed to tell you until now. I want you to know that we wanted you and that you are such a great part of our lives, but the truth is, your birth wasn’t great. It was one of the saddest days. That isn’t your fault. I just want you to know that.”

I knew it was important to inform him to know why I was telling him all of this. I continued to explain:

“I felt lonely. I felt like no one was helping me. And I was hurt. They hurt me. The only reason I am telling you this is because you were connected to me. I wasn’t alone. You felt all of these feelings too. I needed you to know the truth.”

He said, “K”. I forced a hug. Then he went back to whatever an eight year old does on a Saturday afternoon.

Unlike Nancy’s story I wasn’t alone on the bed surrounded with medical professionals. I wasn’t alone. There was a connection bigger then I am. Life force that was with me. And this connection with my son began to heal me.

Resolve and Feeling Relief

In the weeks that followed I didn’t carry around the hatred for what happened to my body anymore. I felt a resolve.

This was not my expectation after taking literally one minute to talk to my son, but after I did the thoughts of being a victim were taken away. It was interesting how all the felt pain was reconciled.

What had changed?

I had. I had reached a point where I was willing and able to speak what I felt was truth. This was a big step for me to leave my childhood training of everything is happy and if we choose to do so, we will be happy.

I had to recognize that this actually happened to my body. Remember the shaking that I felt anxious to release, connect and share my knowledge. These key elements helped me start to integrate my experience.

With a connection I felt through Nancy’s story, I then recognized that I had not been alone.

Think of the power of vulnerability, confession, and relatability interlaced in the message I was trying to convey to that eight year old boy. “I am your mom. I see you, and I am open and willing.” These were unsaid thoughts, but words that were implied. Children pick up on these things!

I was not an example of a parent pretending. Or another confirmation showing ignorance allows the blissful life.

This reconnection was the grace that I needed to integrate my body to a state of feeling more complete. More alive and more whole.

Human connection helped heal me.

More In Depth Teaching of Resolving Trauma

After my confession, I associated to my trauma differently. I had a sure knowledge that someone was with me in the moments of my invasive pain. The emotional disconnect created by “feeling alone” was renegotiated as I made verbal and visceral connection with my son.

Years later, now in 2022, I am learning to renegotiate and integrate feeling in my childhood that had the same spoken root. Feelings of being alone. I recently learned this from Dr. Peter Levine. I will share how he describes the renegotiation of trauma.

“Renegotiation of trauma is being able to remove the sensation from the fear. Renegotiation and transformation is an integrated brain experience. It involves all of the parts of our brain. The left brain, and the right brain but even more significantly: the thinking brain, the feeling emotional brain and the instinctual brain. It’s the way that intellect, emotions and instincts work together. And that’s a very rare thing to see a person who really has those balanced.

“But in renegotiation, we’re taking a step towards that evolutionary possibility. The thing about our instincts is when we’re tapped to them, we have this feeling of connection—we know that we belong. And, this feeling, even though it is deeply instinctive and not so called “higher brain function” is really what takes us to our natural spirituality. Often our instincts and emotions and thoughts are split off from each other, and in renegotiating a traumatic experience, that process brings them together in a connection.

“The rational brain thinks, theorizes, believes and separates. The emotional brain feels and gives us a certain intensity, a coloration of our experience. The instinctive brain senses, knows and connects. True transformation is bringing all of these functions together. Connecting intellect, emotions and instincts so they work together in a unit. And this is the transformation of trauma. And this is our evolutionary possibility.

“Now, in the transformative experience the rational brain observes without judgement. (Remember usually when our rational brains are usually observing, it is usually with judgement) … just observing what’s happening with clarity with truth. It gives meaning to what is taking place. But it doesn’t create what’s taking place, it’s only with the cooperation of the emotional and instinctive brains we get the full meaning of the experience.

“So in healing trauma we bring these all together and in bring them together we come to wholeness, because wholeness is the integration of those three functions.

Dr. Peter Levine⁵

Final Thoughts

Do I wish I could have resolved this earlier?

Yes, and no.

I believe I could have been a better mother to my son had I not subconsciously distanced myself from him. (This is a psychoanalysis. It was not physically distancing. The better word would be disassociating.) On the flip side, maybe I needed language, and he needed maturity, to speak to my son so he could see my willingness to acknowledge the distance and feel my desire to change.

How did I actively unpack what had happened and how it had effected me?

The exact realization of my suffering, with what I call “birth trauma”, happened as I was starting to flush my liver through clean eating. Although I would not recommend the immersive flushing that I did (unless you have a limited to live because of a health condition, or otherwise prompted to do so,) this concept of “Liver Love” is so important to explore.

I started learning the importance of the liver and how it affects my body for good by the influence it has on the cleanliness of blood in our human body. This subject is something that I love to learn and teach about. (More about it in this post.) As we cleanse to heal it has an important side effect that with cleaner, more stable blood, our bodies and minds can thrive.

Through diet, as I was beginning to flush my liver, I couldn’t help but feel emotions that I had shoved down for years.⁶ These negative emotions were even stored in the cells. No wonder I didn’t feel well. There was cellular garbage inside of me.

Relate it to the experience when you get home from a long trip. There’s a car to unload. There’s a dog to pick up. There’s people to feed. Usually everyone needs to use the toilet. And then the next week the real work from “post-vacation” begins. Bags need to be unpacked. The fridge needs filled. There’s a week’s worth of laundry. There’s emotion from fatigue. And finally after about a week the suicases get taken to their storage place and all is restored.

Months later you may find sand in your swimming suit. Or realize that the car hadn’t been cleaned out and there a crispy hamburger bun underneath the passenger seat.

You get the picture. Vacations are amazing, Bliss is unexplainable. Stepping away feels like a reward, but when it comes to cleaning up after—it’s a lot of work. Healing at the cellular structure is comparable. There is usually more to be found and uncovered.

Trust is a key. Trust that the feelings are a key to your survival. I try to believe myself when my instincts are talking to me.

Is my experience common?

Yes, I believe so.

Is trauma heavy to carry?

Yes, I believe so.

Is it hard to label trauma when we are supposed to “be happy”, and proud and progressing?

Yes, I believe so.

So when is a painful experience labeled traumatic and stored as such?

Let’s explore this thought.

Peter Levine teaches that with the integration of intellect, feeling and instinct that we can renegotiate and return to wholeness. What if we were able to use all of these factors of our selves in the first place? Would the experience feel complete?

In my case, I felt the instinct to push while I was climbing into the bathtub at the hospital. How would the nursing staff respond if I delivered my own baby through a warm entrance in the tub? (My love and my instincts always wanted to deliver this way.)

Instead I followed the authoritarian hospital rules.

What if I delivered the baby on the bed? I could have been loud and requested someone to hold me while squatting, or naturally go on my hands and knees in a yoga cat-cow position.

But instead I let the doctor lead.

My ideas could have been so powerful. I can feel it in my life-giving blood. 🙂

This leads me to the last thing that I physically needed was warmth, pressure and love. Something similar to a big hug. When I was being kneaded by the nurses, they could have explained to Curtis what was actually going to take place. They could have had me squeeze his hand. Someone could have coached him to climb in bed by me to help me regulate or be with me until I was calm.

I don’t remember a comforting touch after I gave birth. Pressure and touch would have completed an emotional regulation cycle that we, as humans need!

it is a natural-normal cycle that we rarely are taught about. Nurture and Nature. They are the key to the equation of #1 healing trauma, and #2 completing the cycle of regulation so trauma isn’t even stored in the body in the first place.

With rediscovering feeling, and allowing the OLD story to evolve, resolving pain is possible. I love that Peter Levine reminds us of that in his before mentioned quote.

The Emotional Experience

My final thought about emotion. One might argue that the emotion felt in the body and the brain are congruent, therefore do not impact one another. My response to that is: Have you ever seen someone laugh out loud without them moving their body? Have you seen a child angry because he or she didn’t get what they want? Are there bodies moving? Emotion and physical expression are 100% tied together. What signals the body to express with movement? THE BRAIN. Something that I’ve learned through doing somatic work is the physical movement send signals back to the brain.

Signals like warmth, weight, rocking, receiving eye contact all are signals of safety.

All three of these should work in harmony. Three being intellect, emotion and instinct (or natural spiritual inclination).

Because of my background I didn’t have the assertive-wholistic power in me to pull me through my first birthing experience.

I forgive myself for not having this skill.

I didn’t question authority. I didn’t even know my needs, except “GET THIS BABY OUT”!!! My default protective trigger of freeze came online and I couldn’t speak. And at the end, I didn’t have it in me to ask for help. I was in the nervous system state of shock.

So once again, I’m so glad that I am connecting again through writing and though a relationship with my son. I hope he knows that I’m with him. The more knowledge I gain the more equipped I am to be a better comforter for him in his life.

As always, thanks for reading!

More info and links

The delivery room was the perfect example of where being nice was not the right choice for me. Without a voice, I was suffering. I love this video by Dr. Gabor Mate. It explains perfectly the completion of the cycle, that we should be heard and seen, especially to trust ourselves enough to follow instinct (or natural inclination.) Even if we are alone in how we feel.

• The Dangers of Being Too Nice –Dr. Gabor Mate

• Healing Trauma Course, Healing Trauma: A Step-by-Step Program for Restoring the Wisdom of the Body By Dr. Peter Levine

Book Cited

• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

Footnotes

Polarize (Polarity): https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/polarize

1. The lithotomy position is the most physiologically dysfunctional positions because it literally makes the pelvis smaller, it makes it much more difficult for a women to use her stomach muscles to push, and therefore makes it much more likely that an episiotomy will be cut, or forceps will be used, or the vacuum extractor will be used. [Epstein, A. (Director) (2008). The Business of Being Born, minute 15:00.] As I looked this statistic up to source this information and many of the studies wouldn’t claim that the position were cause for episiotomy. But there are stats from around the world that were reporting that 92% (or close to) of the women placed in a lithotomy position were given an episiotomy to deliver. This was a reliable stat on record world-wide.[↩][↩]
2. Stock photos from Pexels.com[↩]
3. No alcohol was not part of my story, but I was at a point where I was admitting to myself that I could not tackle chronic illness alone. It called for change.[↩]
4. Van Der Kolk, Bessel, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Penguin Books 2014, pg 199, 200[↩]
5. Levine, Peter A., PhD, Healing Trauma Online Course, Sounds True, Session Two, “The Story of Marius” Audio converted to text, https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-healing-trauma-online-course?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=15761298840&utm_content=&utm_term=&gadid=&gclid=CjwKCAjwtKmaBhBMEiwAyINuwPEN6yRfBH0ZgA-er1G8ne2fqlKF9RCfPkik-nNFXf_RvDcLBA-mlxoCyTYQAvD_BwE[↩]
6. For more on the liver I suggest you read any of Anthony William’s books. He has been my #1 mentor for healing the liver to heal my life. The reason I wouldn’t recommend the all immersive cleanse is because it put my autonomic nervous system in such an unstable place. That being said, it healed the connective tissue nerve endings which in so many ways kept me out of bed and saved my life initially. It was a win/loose scenario.[↩]