The Formula: How I’ve Healed

I now believe that as I put myself in the driver’s seat for my personal health recovery that this formula has allowed me to do a lot of my own undercover work. These discoveries along with personal advocacy are what led my body from “nearly dead” to a space of occupancy, full of love and aliveness. I am alive—honoring me. Here is the formula that I have used.

It is important to note that if this is the first article that you have read of mine, I would suggest that you start here: The Beginning of My Health Journey

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed health-care practitioner. I only share my story in hopes to give others permission to start stepping into what they believe might be best for their personal care. This is not medical advice, just a way to start to integrate the whole person including the mind, body and natural instinct.

Continuing the Introduction…

If you were pulled to this page you are most likely investigating on which path is right for you. We’re a unique breed! Let me introduce you to a unique balance that requires self review and honoring what others may see inside of you. Before I introduce the formula that has worked for me I first want to share an idea that was confirmed to me Richard C. Schwartz, PHD, it is this idea that I am encouraging—being SELF-LED.

“Being Self-led means honoring both of these truths equally: immanence—fully engaging our humanness—and transcendence or liberation—knowing that there’s so much more. When we try to deny our vulnerability, we lose touch with our heart. When we fail to realize our divinity, we lose access to our wisdom and perspective. Self-leadership means standing willingly and consciously in both dimensions—feeling the intense emotion [led by our experiences and what we’ve been through]… while remaining connected to your transcendent, wave-state awakened mind.”¹

Here are some of the questions that I would like to use as a launching pad.

The questions lead to this idea of an “awakened mind”:

What does Self Love look like?

What do you really desire?

How do I draw from my personal strengths?

Diversify, what does that mean?

How can I increase my Oxygen Intake?

More understanding on this idea of being Self-Led

From my View: You are not a victim of your circumstance!

Will you describe to me what you are going through personally?

(Leave in the comments below, write on a piece of paper or

open a notes app and speak your answer into your phone.)

This post is written for you if you have a physical or mental illness or have been dealing with loss.

If you’ve taken the time to answer the last question here are a few more that lead into the rest of this blog post:

What adaptions have you had to make as this illness or loss took its place in your life?

Are you expanding your mind while feeding it productive ideas and beliefs, or only allowing time to heal the wounds?

Do you believe that current circumstances can change?

Do you belief the right light will be placed in your path?

I recently listened to a podcast by two neuroscience going back and forth searching for answers to the hard this hard question: What makes someone depressed?

I don’t even think I would have any idea about what they were talking had I not studied the nervous system this year. The conversation was in depth and the speakers used BIG words.

But this is one thing that I do know: The understanding of how to “self soothe” during a state of depression, is not commonly taught. Shouldn’t the ability to self soothe be Instinctual? If it is instinct, why do so many of us numb, engage in harmful behaviors or pull back from living?

Recently Sarah Baldwin was placed in front of me when I needed more understanding about what was happening to my body during a really hard depression phase. I had been linking my symptoms to what was occurring in my body for 6 years or so, but I still really didn’t know what was happening during my lowest days. I needed someone to educate me. She was placed in my path and started giving me a light to lead me to the next space. I needed to learn how to link (or map) my condition to the events or emotions that led to feelings that had happened in my past. These events and emotions had removed me from a space of authenticity, thus forcing me into a dark space.

I have continued my education after I received key phrases like “Somatic Experiencing®”² and “Internal Family Systems”³ But to break it down with more gentle words I have written the following example of how I allow myself to comfort receive comfort from self love.

What does Self Love look like for me?

Self regulation, presence or a state of calm is how I would define self love.

If my depression has me down, I invite in slow and low volume influences in. Usually I turn on a calm song or getting out of bed, opening the curtains and letting in the soft light. If that is too much, I crawl back in bed, hold myself in fetal position and then move again. Slowly breathing—letting oxygen in as I move.

After moving into the bathroom I incorporate a few exercises that I have learned to help stimulate the vagus nerve in gentle ways.

Here are some examples of them:

• Half Salamander Exercise (look it up online)
• Gentle Head Movement Explained: Put essential oils on the palm. Breath in. Turn my head to the look to look at the wall to on the right side of me. Pause. Come back to center. Swallow or yawn. Turn my head with my hands to look at the wall to the left of me. Pause. Come back to center. Swallow or yawn. Massage under the ear.
• I slowly put on clothes and go see if my kids have had breakfast. My movement usually looks like shuffling feet at snail’s pace.

For more understanding why slow movement is important:

• “Your Behavior Won’t be the Same” Dr. Andrew Huberman (Stanford Neuroscientist) Don’t be fooled by the stock video of someone climbing a warped wall, that’s not us!! Remember a snail’s pace!)

The benefit of desire

When things are dark, really dark it is so much easier to recognize when the light goes on.

In times of depression light is something that we need to invite into our lives. It doesn’t always naturally come.

An invitation should be stated in question form.

An example looks like: “Hi [FRIEND], I’m feeling alone. I feel so sad. Will you come sit with me for a while?

Before I began writing on this blog, during my postpartum period with my third child, I decided that girl clothes were going to highlight the excitement that I had for that little girl! I bought the clothes that felt warm, in the colors were coordinating and pleasing! I love unique style, like eyelet collars or extra ruffles. I learned how to fold the tiny clothes correctly (according to a Marie Condo tutorial). I only put her in items of clothing that were soft and well made. I combed her hair everyday and pulled it back with rubber bands after it was long enough. I loved feeling the texture of the cotton, the smell of a clean baby, and the visual of her grooming. It was stimulating enough to keep me moving!

In order to invite baby girl clothes in I asked really specific questions to google, Instagram or friends. These questions looked like:

• (I asked myself) What clothes do you really like (not just the clothes that are in style)?
• (I asked a friend) Where do you buy all your daughter’s clothes. She always looks so cute.
• (I asked youtube.com) How do you fold clothes like Marie Condo teaches?

This was not only a moment, but a life-line during that period of time! Sense then I have let my energy shift to different things. But at the time I was in control of what she was wearing and how she looked. But I also chose to illuminate these small things with intention to be present in those young moments of her life.

Are you drawing from your personal strength(s)?

We are a product of our environment. I have heard this twice in the last three days from Gabor Mate and Ian McgilChrist⁴ To some extent we may be a product of genetic makeup as well, but environment plays a huge roll in how we develop behaviors that we take on in our lives.

On the other hand, I don’t believe what happened to us in our past defines what we love. We need to learn to discover what gives us a spark for life. What are we excited to talk about? What gives us a reason to make money? What do you spend your time, effort or money on and why?

I never chose a favorite color when I was a child. Why? I loved all of them. I recently asked one of my swimming students, a three-year-old girl what her favorite color is. She replied, “rainbow!” That was the first time I could name my favorite color. I never knew how to put it into words (until I was 35 years old)! And then I remembered, as a child I chose clothes that reminded me of the rainbow. I collected anything that had sunflowers incorporated in its design. That love for color I’ve carried with me and I continue to incorporate color in my artistic endeavors. It is something that is a part of me and this attribute has aided me during my healing journey.

I was talking to my therapist about our personal strengths, how I was going to incorporate the idea in my formula and she said to me:

“I believe this was [is] the perfect life for me.” Her ability to gather, and receive, and share information has provided a way for her to be a leader in her field. She taught phycology at the university level for 15 years. She is a forensics specialist. She had a PHD in the study of human behavior. She has been a gift to me, but her infancy and childhood memories are scattered with abuse, abandonment, diversity, laughter and love. ⁵

The thought leads me to believe the following: Don’t push away were we come from, instead, examine past circumstances.

Do you remember how you were brought you to the current state you are living in?

Lean in to what brings you to life

In 2015 I was deep into my study of diet change and how diet has influence on chronic disease. (This blog post has more about this period of my life.) So I bought a cookbook and I happened to pick it up from the mail at the same time I was walking to my neighbor’s house next door. It was new (I had just flipped through it for the first time) so I gave her a glimpse into my new obsession.

I honestly think she thought I was crazy when I showed her my excitement toward a totally organic-looking cookbook. It had a picture of Kale on the front cover—KALE! AND, I was delighted! Then I watched her face—you would have thought that I had chopped off the head of a chicken and plucked it on her front lawn in our land of suburbia neighborhood, by the way she looked at me! Being excited about “green” food was SOOO foreign (these ideas were definitely not popular in my neighborhood). But trying new a new recipes introduced pleasant discovery and cooking was an outlet for me! It brought a spark into me that seemed dim. But why?

My background was in cooking. At the age of 19 I attended cooking school. In 2015 I was switching from making french macaroons, and three tiered cakes TO roasted kale and butternut squash mac and cheese. I was honing a skill I previously had—something that I already was interested in! I was renewing a skill set that I loved, and I was allowing that skill to evolve.

What if none of you strengths were highlighted in your younger years? This leads me to the next idea of…

Inviting Diversity

Do you believe that there are a few daily practices that help bring you back to a better state of health?

If I were responding I would say, sure. It is nice to get outside. Being stuck behind a desk in a room without windows feels removed after a while.

What about healthy practices that involve other people? Going to a comedy show with a friend. Going to dinner with a family member. Times where there is removal from our daily routine, but we focus on being with another companion. (This companion could even be a pet.)

What about exercise? What is it supposed to look like?

As I write about DIVERSITY, I have found for myself, challenging what I thought was status quo has immensely increased freedom and my ideas of what it looks like to heal!

So let’s look into this idea of diversity:

it’s another word for variety, inclusion, using different elements or qualities.

I like to remove what everyone else is telling me that I should do and say and act and move, and start doing things that help me feel good.

Here is a question and a challenge for you. If you continue to do the same routine, and the circumstances in your life aren’t changing, what can you do instead that might help you feel good today? This will feel different to you, then it does to me!

So…what does diversifying mean? What is the first thing that comes to you when you think of changing what you are already doing?

I do invite diversity in what I eat. It gives me a chance four to five times a day to introduce color and a variety of minerals each time i eat. There is more information about diversity and diet in this post: What Baby Mae Eats

Increasing Oxygen

Ways that I have purposefully increase my oxygen intake are: Going to my health practitioners office and receive oxygen through my nose from a unit that they are equipped with.

As I’ve diversified the ways that I exercise, I try to find enjoyable ways to get my heart rate up. It is fun to play tag with my kids at the park or go on a bike ride. Small but quick movements increases the amount of oxygen to that gets into the blood.

I mindfully eat fruit. Fruit is filled with vitamins minerals and that good ole’ H2O!

The following story is personal, including different ways that I view Oxygen healing my body.

Because of the way my brain learned to manage stress as a child, I continued poor neurological patterns into adulthood that results in tightened blood vessels and slow moving blood. Because of the compounded stress, the last seven years my whole abdominal section feels like skin and bone. The tension is noticeable to the touch, but this tightness has also hindered my ability to walk and digest food properly.

My condition is fairly unique. I now know why it is happening, but where is the resolution? How do I gain fluidity in my movement again. Because my insides have felt like they have calcified and resemble bone to the touch, I found hope in the the following verses in the Bible from the Old Testament(KJV).

It was a vision given to Ezekiel, but the vision for future times when God’s people would be gathered and cleansed.

Ezekiel 37

1: The hand of the Lord was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones,

2: And caused me to pass by them round about: and, behold, there were very many in the open valley; and, lo, they were very dry.

3: …Son of man, can these bones live? And I answered, O Lord God, thou knowest.

5: Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:

14: And shall put my spirit in you, and ye shall live, and I shall place you in your own land: then shall ye know that I the Lord have spoken it, and performed it, saith the Lord.

What is the breath that is spoken? In my view it is oxygen received again to my body as it is healed.

And with that, I feel resolve. With hope I am complete. With integration of soul I have a place on this “land” again.

In Summary

Believe that there is a balance in being human and being divine. You have a body that wants to trust your soul. This leads to being Self-Led

An aspect of being human is believing that there are the right people that can help you—the right teacher, health practitioner, or mentor will be sent your way!

Understand that the darkest experiences help you know what you no longer want to have in your life. Invite light in. What does an invitation look like?

Begin by understanding more of your story. Learn words that will help you explain how you feel.

With a variety of words and experiences there are new possibilities for change.

Increased oxygen can aid in the healing of the body and the mind.

Thank your involvement here on this specific post. There is not one way to heal, but I’ve personally had so much healing happen while I’ve written these thoughts down.

Key Takeaways

• Being pro active, is a key. There are even ways to be active in bed. Simple actions such as receiving and releasing breath help even out the front right and left hemispheres of the brain. Here is simple breathing technique to implement in bed Square Breathing Visual
• Start something and complete it until it is finished. The cycle for natural dopamine release: Neuroscience Meets Psychology: Hosted by Dr. Jordan B. Peterson with Dr. Andrew Huberman (Highlighted clip starts at 1:09)

If you have already been working your own formula, do you have anything else to add?

1. Schwartz, Richard C., No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with The Internal Family Systems Model, Sounds True, 2021, pg 138-139[↩]
2. Peter Levine, PHD[↩]
3. Richard C. Schwartz, PHD[↩]
4. McGilchrist suggests that our modern world drives us into left-hemisphere ruts, leaving our right hemisphere inert, losing contact with higher things, forsaking spiritual participation in higher things. Our doings lack upward vitality and come to feel empty and meaningless. McGilchrist speaks to policy and politics but mostly in vague terms. He warns against soulless bureaucracy, laments aspects of “capitalism” and “consumerism,” and favors connectedness and tradition. I accept much of his treatment of modern society. I share McGilchrist’s concern for right-hemisphere revitalization and upward vitality. But in my view McGilchrist’s insights ought to move us to endorse classical liberalism, which maintains a presumption against the governmentalization of social affairs. Source: Klein, Daniel B. Think Spiral: The Divided Brain And Classical Liberalism, November 19, 2020. Society Publication[↩]
5. As we were reviewing this formula Bena shared the abuse that came from the hand of her mother. Her father eventually put her in the car and drove her to a ranch in rural Utah where she lived with her grandparents on her mother’s side. The fields, her uncles and a couple old country folk raised her. She can’t imagine being brought up anywhere else. The freedom of her upbringing has her convinced, “It was the perfect life for me.”[↩]